What if I don't qualify for surrogacy?

There are many women who hope to become a gestational carrier. It’s easy to see why — giving the gift of family to wonderful intended parents is a great thing to do. And if you enjoy being pregnant, but know that your own family is already complete, what better way is there to do find fulfillment than by carrying a baby for somebody else?

However, not everyone who wants to become a gestational carrier through the surrogacy process is able to do so. The requirements for surrogacy — created to protect the gestational carrier and intended parents from the inherent risks of the process — make it so that some women are not able to become a surrogate.

It’s possible that this is your situation. If so, you may be thinking, “I don’t qualify for being a surrogate, but I want to be one. What comes next?”

Several options may come to mind. You could want to quit, or search for a professional with less stringent requirements. Or, you may be considering ignoring the requirements and blurring the lines — just a bit — on your application.

While we completely understand wanting to do anything you can to become a gestational carrier, our goal is to provide you with a better path forward. Trying to figure out how to become a surrogate if you get denied by an agency or a program can be frustrating. Still, there’s a right and a wrong way to proceed.

Here’s what you need to know.

What If I Don’t Qualify for Being a Surrogate, But I Want to Be One?

You’re in a difficult situation. Your desires are both genuine and good. Becoming a gestational carrier can be a beautiful journey.

However, as a surrogacy program, our primary desire is to do what is best for you. If you don’t qualify to become a surrogate based on our surrogacy requirements, this isn’t a judgement. Rather, it’s an assessment that we genuinely believe it would be in your best interests to find other routes to help couples who want to become parents through surrogacy.

If you are unsure of whether or not you can meet the requirements for surrogacy, you can always contact us to speak with a professional. Having a personal conversation is never a bad idea. If, for example, you are right on the edge of the healthy BMI requirements, then you may want to speak with a professional about possible paths forward.

There are, however, several non-negotiables with our program (and with many other surrogacy professionals.) These are:

  • You must be at least 21 years old
  • You must have a previous healthy pregnancy
  • You must be raising your own children at home
  • You must live in Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee or Alabama
  • And several more

Each of these requirements exists to protect you. Gestational carriers who meet them are at a distinct advantage and are less likely to experience the risks that can be associated with the process, the embryo transfer and pregnancy.

How to Become a Surrogate if You Get Denied by an Agency or Program

Many women who don’t meet the requirements for becoming a surrogate wonder why they can’t just become a gestational carrier anyway. Do all of these rules really matter?

They do, and it’s important to understand why searching for ways around the requirements can cause harm not only to yourself and your family, but also to the intended parents.

When you want don’t qualify to be a surrogate but you want to be one, you may be tempted to search for ways around the requirements. Whether that’s through finding someone who doesn’t care about requirements or completing that application without being 100% honest, this is not a good idea.

Aside from being unethical, you should know that this path is also likely to fail. Lying on the initial application may get your foot in the door, but there is still the comprehensive medical screening and psychological evaluation to complete. These are thorough procedures. If there’s something you want to keep hidden from your surrogacy program or fertility clinic, they will find it during this part of the process.

Many women also wonder if there’s not a professional out there with fewer requirements. While you may find someone claiming that they can facilitate a surrogacy with less stringent requirements, you should seriously consider how this type of process could put you at much greater risk. The requirements exist to protect you, and reputable surrogacy professionals all agree on that.

In the end, searching for how to become a surrogate if you get denied by an agency or program is likely to cost you (and the professional) time and energy for no reason.

Why Honestly Is Always the Best Policy

Becoming a surrogate is not just about working with a surrogacy program. It’s also about working with intended parents. It’s their hopes, dreams and futures that are put at risk if someone decides to be dishonest in order to get around requirements for surrogacy.

Intended parents have often traveled long, difficult roads involving painful struggles with infertility and expensive attempts to start a family. When they come to surrogacy, they place their dreams for a family in this process. Which means the intended parents place an extreme amount of trust in their gestational carrier when they accept a match.

Part of the reason intended parents are able to be confident in their choice is because of strong surrogacy requirements. Without these, they may feel more nervous about such a life-changing commitment. This is why your honesty, as a woman who wants to be a gestational carrier, is so important.

You could almost say that honesty is another non-negotiable requirement for becoming a surrogate. In order for the process to be everything that it can be, everyone involved has to have good intentions and a truthful approach from start to finish.

Alternatives If You Don’t Qualify to Be a Surrogate

We understand how disappointing it can be when you want become a surrogate but you don’t qualify. Volunteering your time, energy and body so that someone else can be a parent is a selfless, brave thing to do.

Although trying to figure out how to become a surrogate if you get denied by an agency or program is not the best way to move forward, there are other ways that you can play a part in helping intended parents fulfill their dreams of starting a family. One of the best ways you could do this is egg donation.

In gestational surrogacy, intended parents often use a donor egg, donor sperm, or both. This type of surrogacy never uses the gestational carrier’s egg, so that there is no genetic relationship between the surrogate and child. Because of this, egg and sperm donation are important components of the surrogacy process in many cases.

If you don’t qualify to be a surrogate, you could still consider egg donation, and we can help.

Southern Surrogacy is owned by the local law firm Claiborne | Fox | Bradley | Goldman. With a practice dedicated to adoption and fertility law, our legal professionals can provide the legal guidance and services you need to become an egg donor.

We are highly experienced in drafting and negotiating detailed donor agreements, with a personalized approach meant to meet your specific needs. Thanks to our work in surrogacy, we can also provide trustworthy referrals to the best egg and sperm banks in the region.

While becoming an egg donor is not the same as becoming a surrogate, it is still an important way to help couples struggling with infertility, LGBTQ couples and others become parents through the surrogacy process. It can be a great way to contribute if you don’t qualify to be a surrogate.

Interested in learning more about egg donation? You can schedule a consultation with a legal professional from Claiborne | Fox | Bradley | Goldman today.

How to Become a Gestational Carrier with Our Program

If you are unsure of whether or not you will meet the requirements to become a gestational carrier, then there is still a chance that the surrogacy process could be right for you. One easy way to find out is by reading our program’s requirements for surrogacy.

Then, if you believe that you can meet these requirements, you can fill out our Information Request Form. It will only take a few minutes of your time, and it will give our team a good sense of whether or not our program can meet your needs.

Once you fill out the Information Request Form, a surrogacy professional will reach out to speak with you about the next steps.