I am currently an Intended Mother, waiting for my chance at motherhood. As I sit on a list, and wait for my chance, I can’t help but ponder what I will look for in my gestational carrier. It goes without saying that I want her to be responsible and loving. There is a lot of ‘expectation vs reality’ thoughts on what I want out of my journey to motherhood. For me, I have been in the infertility world for years, so I know all about expectations vs reality.  This is just a short list of my non-negotiables. 

1. In it for the right reasons

As an Intended Mother, I want to make sure the carrier of my baby is doing it for the right reasons. It is understood that she will be compensated for her time and sacrifices, but I want her to do it because she genuinely wants to help me become a mother. I want her to rub her belly telling my baby all about me. When the baby gets here, I want us to cry tears of joy together that a dream has become a reality. I personally would love to help her family accomplish a dream too.  Maybe they need the money to buy their first home or help make a life change. If multiple dreams can come true during our journey then it’s a win for me!

2. Open Communication

7 years of infertility has made me anxious, and impatient. While I do not expect constant communication, 

I do want her to communicate. I want it to feel easy and comfortable. It might seem weird at first, but I want to be able to build a relationship where I can ask questions and not feel awkward. I hope they understand (to the best of their ability), that this will be hard for me at times, and I just want to be “in the know”. If she has an appointment, I hope she tells me how it goes before I have to reach out and ask. If I have a question or concern, I want to feel comfortable bringing it up and working it out. This is a relationship, and I hope we can build one that is solid, and beautiful. 

3. Open-Minded 

We are going to embark on the most intimate and complicated relationship anyone has ever gone through. And we may not see everything the same way. I want to know that she is open-minded to whatever challenges come our way. I also want her to know that we are open-minded to her beliefs and opinions. We don’t have to agree on our approaches to parenthood, but I hope that regardless of our differences, we will accept each other and our differences. 

4. This surrogate pregnancy is different than her own pregnancy

Being a surrogate is way different than getting pregnant the “old fashioned way” I want her to know that there are a lot more appointments and it can take more time to get pregnant. I also want her to know that there will be shots and medications that have to be taken exactly as prescribed to give the best chance of a successful embryo transfer. Also with a surrogate journey, there can be a lot of “ups and downs” and can often feel a little like a roller coaster. I want to be there for my surrogate through these times since I have spent many years on this very same roller coaster and it isn’t easy. 

I am sure there are 100 things I could add to this list, but there is no perfect person or perfect scenario. All relationships require work, and I can’t wait to work on mine with whoever we get matched with! 

As a Gestational Carrier we want to hear from you- What do you want our IPs to know?